Here are some last minute gifts for that girl you met on match.com. You know the one you’ve been taking to out-of -the-way restaurants, getting loaded, and sloppily banging.
Scrunchies! Scrunchies! Scrunchies! We love em, especially when they support our flag.

Wouldn’t these look great kicking it on the dance floor, or soles-up to your ceiling?
And finally since you never know how many guys have replied to her online profile, or how many schlongs she’s been stuffing up her cooch, give her condoms. Trojan, economy pack, wear 3! But count them when she’s in the bathroom pooping.